Chelsea Nicole suffered horrific abuse from the time she was a toddler until she extricated herself from the daily misery at age 17.
As an adult, she decided to use journaling as a pathway to healing. There were no intentions of publishing the raw, personal memories until she read what she’d written, flipping through the words like a carousel of pictures. She realized she’d animated her life; breaking down all the jagged fragments into even smaller pieces, and putting them back together into a whole picture. Finally, she had a detailed view of the pain as well as a clear look at the path to healing she’d taken through instinct. She decided to self-publish, hoping her experiences would help others.
Cry Little Girl is not an account of a pity party. It’s not a sobbing “why me?” story. Instead, it’s a tale of the human spirit’s incredible resiliency and how it requires just the tiniest puff of wind beneath its wings to soar because, after all, the spirit’s fundamental nature is to fly.
“The abuse began when I was a toddler,” Chelsea said. “Mom had a list of disabilities. She was bipolar, a drug addict, and an alcoholic. She never failed to put herself first, over everyone else.
“We moved from Lewisville to Mansfield and, by then, she was pregnant with twins. That was also when she first started taking me on stealing sprees at Walmart.”
Chelsea’s mother had serious faults, but it was her father and brother who inflicted the deepest misery.
“They were evil,” she insisted. “They were the source of my sexual abuse.”
Chelsea’s mother lost custody of the children soon after, and they were handed over to the father.
“He forced me to stay home all the time,” Chelsea admitted.
“The house in Lewisville, where we lived with our father, was disgusting. It was filthy, filled with roaches, and had a padlocked refrigerator. We had only one meal per day.”
Like so many other people in her situation, Chelsea thought she lived a normal life. She had no idea her entire family was totally dysfunctional.
“I didn’t know I was so broken,” she continued. “I had only one friend who was ‘normal’ and one day she looked at me and said this wasn’t what families did. That was a revelation.”
Chelsea finished high school and joined the military. It was a perfect time to seek counseling, but she didn’t.
“I was too secretive,” she explained. “I was too defensive, and I lied. I was seldom truthful and open because I was afraid it would be used against me.
“I had my first child, Riley, in 2012 while in the military. Three years later, she and I moved to Georgia. At 23 I applied and was accepted to Auburn where I received my Bachelors in business.
“I started the journal in 2019. It was so hard to relive it all. It’s open and brutal, written through the eyes of a kid. I would re-read parts of it and think, ‘How could someone do that, and especially to your own child?’
Chelsea confesses to going through a season of hating God for allowing her to suffer. It was a serendipitous act of poetic justice when she met the lead pastor at the non-denominational Abundance Life Faith Church, Chad Merritt, and married him six years ago. Today, he loves Riley as his own and they share five-year-old son Everett.
“I love the person I’m becoming,” Chelsea said, “My house is clean, with no roaches and no locks on the fridge! I’m a great mother, and I taught myself to be loving.
“Chad helped me with that. He truly loves God and he’s kind. I also learned to let go of all the hate and anger I felt toward my father. Being chained with that hate blocked the love.
“My mother died of lung cancer in 2019. I took care of her and we had hundreds of conversations.”
“I returned to Texas in 2018 with Chad and the kids. I love kids and want to see them all treated with love and respect.”
Cry Little Girl is available on Amazon